Abandoned Breaths Read online

if you make it to the door,

  I will answer.

  ~Journey

  38 Abandoned

  Breaths

  How do you look at the minutes

  I have given you, and think you

  know my years?

  I am overflowing with

  p a s s i o n.

  I seep memories and slow dance

  with opaque ghosts.

  I write things that howl heartache,

  when my soul is merely singing.

  I burn…but I never

  catch fire.

  My touch is tangible,

  but chances are you will

  never feel me.

  ~Tangible

  M O N S O O N

  39

  I am learning to embrace my tears.

  What I used to look at as a nuisance,

  is now a constant reminder

  that I feel…

  and I feel this world

  and all its vastness,

  personally, and painfully.

  I am empathetic and caring.

  I am absorbing and transparent.

  I will not be ashamed for feeling

  until I am full and overflowing.

  My tears are necessary.

  They let me know…

  I’m alive

  ~Cleansing

  40 Abandoned

  Breaths

  The end of us

  was like coming home

  from War.

  I know now we were

  on opposite sides,

  and it was a cause

  you did not believe

  in fighting for.

  ~Battle

  M O N S O O N

  41

  You think you dodged a bullet

  by leaving me.

  The truth is

  you are a deserter…

  who ran

  from the battle of love.

  ~Deserter

  42 Abandoned

  Breaths

  It happens. One day you will meet someone, and with everything in you, you will find yourself trying to warn him. Trying to spare him.

  But this one is different. He does not run.

  “I’m deep. Therefore, you can’t wade in the kiddie pool and expect to find me.”

  Alfa

  “And I’ve never wanted to drown until now.”

  JmStorm

  ~ An ‘off the cuff’ collaboration with JmStorm

  M O N S O O N

  43

  You left me

  standing there

  dancing all alone.

  You walked right

  off the floor…

  left me twirling,

  grasping for air

  lips parted

  tongue tied

  refusing to believe

  you were walking

  out the door

  for the last time.

  Is this how you dance?

  Alone?

  ~Leaving

  44 Abandoned

  Breaths

  It took

  time and distance

  before she was able

  to see herself

  through calm eyes

  that were no longer

  clouded

  by his darkness.

  The onslaught

  of wrenching winds

  were miles away.

  His monsoon would

  never color her life

  gray again.

  ~Season of the Monsoon

  M O N S O O N

  45

  You think you were born this way…

  A pile of rubbish, decaying with every touch.

  You have more questions than you have ever had answers, and life has not turned out how you once imagined it would.

  You think about the past, and it seems you have lost more battles then you have won.

  But, you were not born with bones of defeat.

  You were not singled out in the womb for despair.

  Roll those shoulders back and puff out that soul.

  You were carefully stitched together with breathtaking intention;

  With talents and creativity in every iridescent thread.

  You are a living testimony of resilience…

  That you choose to rise another day, wearing full emotional armor strapped in place, and fight what comes your way…

  proves that you have acquired the strength of a Warrior.

  Wear your battle wounds with pride and keep on inspiring the world to never give up.

  ~Testimony

  46 Abandoned

  Breaths

  I am still in love

  with the possibilities

  I had no choice

  but to bury.

  ~I had a funeral

  M O N S O O N

  47

  You might

  have stayed

  forever if

  I had let

  my heart

  speak as

  freely as

  my spine

  did.

  ~Tongue Tied

  48 Abandoned

  Breaths

  I will always make room

  in my heart for you.

  You go away - I clean rooms,

  in hopes of removing your scent.

  Then you come back for an extended stay,

  playing house.

  You like the comfortable bed,

  the soft sheets.

  My pliable heart

  holds your fascination

  for a while.

  I am your getaway,

  your ‘go to’.

  And as I tell myself never again,

  I know in my heart,

  I will always have an extra bed,

  if you need a place to lay your head,

  and be loved again.

  ~Heartbreak Hotel

  M O N S O O N

  49

  There we stood,

  both trying to put

  out the fires

  burning out of

  control in our lives.

  Somehow, we met

  among the outskirts

  of the carnage

  and found strength

  in each other…

  and we began to slowly

  sweep the ashes away.

  ~Afterglow

  50 Abandoned

  Breaths

  No words were ever said.

  It was simply a look.

  A ‘knowing’ look that

  let me know

  he saw through my facade.

  He knew that under

  all the toughness,

  dwelled a woman

  who was soft and supple.

  A woman he wanted

  to touch and never let go.

  ~Intuitive.

  M O N S O O N

  51

  I feel your pain, and to this day

  I have to stop myself from reaching out.

  It is second nature to me

  to want to comfort your soul.

  You want me to put my absence

  into terms your heart can understand,

  but how can I do that when my presence

  never sated your hunger?

  I wanted you…

  mind, body, and soul.

  Yet, you held back…stubbornly

  refusing to subject me to your Hell.

  And what you need to know,

  is that Hell was never found

  in loving you, but I have lived there

  since the day you pushed me away.

  ~Mind, Body, Soul

  52 Abandoned

  Breaths

  You think you are so deep and mysterious,

  and that you ‘spare’ me by keeping a distance.

  You drop just enough breadcrumbs to keep me on your trail, yet warn me over and over not to get too close to the Big Bad Wolf.

  I find it really tiring as far as bedtime stories go.

  I have
been writing your saga for years, and besides your verbal account, you possess no more demons than anyone else who has walked the earth.

  It has been said the loudest and most boastful person in the room is but a fool, while the silent person contains wisdom.

  I know you have been to Hell and back, and I could tell you what cubicle you rested your head in.

  I know your fears as well as you do.

  I have been writing your story for years… remember?

  Just as you tell it. Line after line of drama and heartache.

  But, let me assure you that you need not ‘spare’ me.

  While you have always been a star in that deep fathomless sky, I have been the Universe of darkness that clutches and holds you in its center. I have used your bit of light to help me find my way in that massive void.

  So, when you worry about subjecting me to your darkness Mr.

  Wolf…

  I worry if I can contain myself from swallowing you whole.

  ~Mr. Wolf

  M O N S O O N

  53

  Let me try

  to erase

  all the mistakes

  that came before me.

  ~They were in indelible ink.

  54 Abandoned

  Breaths

  … and late at night

  when you hit me up,

  telling me you miss me,

  and maybe we should

  try again…

  I know it is just loneliness

  and familiarity.

  You need instant gratification,

  and you reach for your old

  stand by.

  I am tired of feeding your

  sweet tooth, and then being

  expected to encourage your

  diet the next day.

  ~Dieting

  M O N S O O N

  55

  I hear you knocking,

  but I cannot let you in.

  The last time almost killed me.

  ~ My Heart

  56 Abandoned

  Breaths

  I wonder a lot since you’ve been gone.

  I wonder if you are happy;

  If you found someone who

  ‘found’ the places I could not.

  I wonder if you look at her

  the same way

  you looked at me.

  I wonder if you are telling her

  the same things

  you told me.

  But the thing I wonder

  most of all…

  Do you mean them this time?

  ~Cut me open. I bleed memories.

  M O N S O O N

  57

  My wish is that you will

  love him so deep,

  that you will be able to find

  where he has hidden himself.

  I know I do not have to tell

  you that there is buried

  treasure there.

  But you are about to embark

  on a search and rescue mission,

  and this discovery could set

  both of your hearts free.

  ~Search and Rescue

  58 Abandoned

  Breaths

  The irony is,

  you are expecting

  closure from a person,

  who would not

  even give you

  his presence.

  ~He never showed up.

  M O N S O O N

  59

  I used to be

  embarrassed

  of my broken

  parts.

  Not anymore…

  even in pieces,

  I am worth having.

  ~Worth

  60 Abandoned

  Breaths

  She had that look of war torn terror,

  like she had just walked across

  an acre of land mines and did not

  expect to live.

  She was twitchy when he drew near,

  and this almost broke him.

  He wanted to hold her

  when she got like this,

  but he knew if he pushed too hard,

  he would most likely send her over the edge.

  All he could do

  was watch from a distance

  until she came back

  up for air…

  and back to him.

  ~Patience would win her hand.

  M O N S O O N

  61

  How many people

  have to tell

  you they love

  you before you will

  believe you are

  worth loving?

  ~Why is it we only want one to say it?

  62 Abandoned

  Breaths

  I simply

  revolved

  around

  his life

  but,

  he became

  mine.

  ~Cold hard facts.

  M O N S O O N

  63

  …and all she longed to give away

  were the fragrant seedlings

  that dared to grow

  in the unkempt garden of her soul.

  ~Garden of Eden

  64 Abandoned

  Breaths

  He thought he had me fooled

  - working me like a tool.

  But the reality

  was I knew

  more than I should have,

  and I turned a blind eye,

  in hopes it would be me

  in the end.

  ~He was magic.

  M O N S O O N

  65

  When people would ask her

  why she stayed so long,

  she usually told them she had stayed

  until she could not take it anymore.

  It was simple, and it seemed to

  satisfy their curiosity,

  but the real reason she stayed

  and kept trying, was because

  she did not want him to feel like

  she had given up on him.

  She never wanted to abandon him

  the way she had been left

  in the past.

  No matter if he deserved it…or not.

  ~In for the long haul

  66 Abandoned

  Breaths

  The thing is,

  Love will break you.

  That is a guarantee.

  Yet at the same time,

  it is the only thing

  that can put you

  back together.

  ~Puzzle

  M O N S O O N

  67

  Do you see her eyes?

  They simmer with the sting

  of brimstone and resignation.

  She has swallowed heartache,

  and birthed regret.

  Yet, her heart still beats

  among the wreckage.

  She gave all of herself,

  to the point of having

  nothing left

  at the end of it all.

  ~Resignation.

  68 Abandoned

  Breaths

  She had no miraculous words

  for the souls who thought

  she had a magic pathway leading out of heartache.

  She knew all too well that if you were

  traveling through pain,

  you would much rather

  quiet the voices

  that scream without fail

  in your head.

  She did not tell lost souls they would be okay, or that time would heal all wounds.

  Instead, she held tight

  to their hurting hearts

  and out-stretched hands,

  and tried to help pull them through.

  ~Getting through

  M O N S O O N

  69

  A heart unscathed has never beat to the tune of a love song.

  It is free from the memories that pulse within the brave and battered souls that have loved and lost.

  As the years go by, m
emories of lyrics

  woven into tendrils of windswept hair

  will taunt a heartbroken warrior.

  Emotions will evoke when recalling

  addictive prose whispered from misleading lips.

  They will be transported with the feeling

  of being enveloped within arms

  that knew how to hold without withholding

  and how it felt to dance while standing still.

  The mirage inevitably fades.

  The song ends, and with the silence,

  another memory surfaces.

  The gut-splitting one.

  The day he stopped singing your name

  and as the years go by…

  You will remember.

  Over and over. Again.

  ~ Lyrical Blade

  70 Abandoned

  Breaths