Abandoned Breaths Read online

  If you took the scenic route,

  you would see fragrant

  fields wrought with

  heartache and what could have been.

  If you delved deeper,

  past the pain filled irises,

  you would see a weary traveler,

  trying to navigate

  her way back home.

  She had perfected the art

  of looking maintained

  on the outside,

  but inside she had really

  let herself go.

  ~Maintenance

  144 Abandoned

  Breaths

  I am not afraid of you.

  You do not scare me.

  What does frighten me

  is the thought of you

  bailing out on our one chance

  at making this work.

  You are right…

  you are so broken,

  but, my God,

  you are so beautiful.

  ~Afraid

  E X H A L A T I O N

  145

  I love you.

  Even when you go away,

  and I hold my breath

  until you return.

  ~Imploding

  146 Abandoned

  Breaths

  When I asked you

  to tell me

  about the Universe,

  you replied:

  “I taste stars in your mouth.

  I see galaxies in your eyes.

  I smell moonbeams in your hair.

  I feel space…

  without your touch.”

  ~Moonbeams

  E X H A L A T I O N

  147

  I saw you looking at me

  when you did not think

  I knew, I saw.

  I must be honest,

  It scared me.

  You scared me.

  I was not prepared for

  the softness I saw in

  your eyes.

  If I thought them

  beautiful before,

  they are hypnotic now.

  How did I get so lucky

  to have your eyes

  land on mine

  and not look away?

  ~Lucky

  148 Abandoned

  Breaths

  You need not worry.

  My heart will never wander.

  It is tethered and tied,

  wound tight.

  It is anchored at the cove

  where shelter was offered.

  ~Anchored to you.

  E X H A L A T I O N

  149

  He has one thing on his mind,

  and that is her.

  And he is willing to carry her,

  as far as she will let him.

  150 Abandoned

  Breaths

  She tried to explain the

  contents of her heart to him.

  Her heart spoke up

  mid-way through,

  and told her it should not

  have to be explained

  to the person

  who will treasure it.

  ~Treasure Trove

  E X H A L A T I O N

  151

  She was a dreamer with a penchant

  for transcendental thinking.

  A woman who believed in the same

  magical love that romance novels

  try in vain to capture and portray

  in all its lustful allure.

  She scoffed openly at the naysayers,

  the stone faced hardened souls who

  told her fairytales do not exist.

  Her heart was not a prison, surrounded

  by barbed-wire, nor was it a desolate

  barren place…

  it was the addictive open-field

  where she could be found visiting daily;

  running free amid wanderlust and furry dandelions, and there…

  she ‘wished’ her dreams into reality.

  ~Dreamer

  152 Abandoned

  Breaths

  As much as I hate giving him

  any more of me…

  I must thank him

  for the trials.

  Without them, I would not have

  acquired my survival skills.

  I would have never been able

  to climb out of the valley.

  The view up here is so much

  more serene.

  ~Thank you

  E X H A L A T I O N

  153

  You have far too much love

  stored in your bones

  to use it on past loves.

  Save some for your future.

  ~Marrow

  154 Abandoned

  Breaths

  She’s been through more hell

  than you’ll ever know.

  But that is what gives her beauty

  an edge.

  You cannot touch a woman

  who can wear pain

  like the grandest of diamonds

  around her neck.

  ~Diamonds

  E X H A L A T I O N

  155

  I am not one of those girls

  that needed him to say

  “it is over” and then explain

  to me why he reached

  that decision.

  You see, I am smart enough

  to get my closure by

  listening to all the things

  he did not say while he

  was walking away.

  I could not have handled

  hearing it twice.

  ~Closed Door

  156 Abandoned

  Breaths

  I needed you to see past the

  illusion I had tried so hard

  to create.

  Magic is always hidden.

  I wanted you to delve deep;

  Find the stars I had named

  after every dream

  I had ever had of you.

  The skies in my soul

  are vast and the hills

  hide fairytales.

  I wanted you to explore

  the Kingdom I kept locked away.

  It is not for everyone.

  Only those who dare to

  believe will ever find it.

  ~Kingdom

  E X H A L A T I O N

  157

  My soul has teeth,

  and there are maddening

  nights,

  like tonight,

  when the sound of

  its grinding – trying to

  obliterate the taste

  of you, and of what

  remains…

  is really,

  just too much.

  ~Grind

  158 Abandoned

  Breaths

  Do not mistake

  the absence of closure

  for a lifetime connection.

  ~It was a gift

  E X H A L A T I O N

  159

  Today is the day.

  It hit me.

  The buildup of emotions

  that we all carry around, exploded.

  Ran down my cheeks,

  and did not stop until my shoulders

  were puddling in remorse.

  And you would think

  after weeping enough liquid

  to bathe triplets that I would feel

  better, or relieved.

  But the only thing I feel

  is emptiness of the tears

  I held tight to.

  I am upset because I could not

  hold on to them either.

  ~Empty handed.

  160 Abandoned

  Breaths

  If you look out your window tonight

  and see the clouds roll back

  to showcase the Moon in all its brilliance…

  You will understand why I had to walk away

  so, you can shine today.

  ~Not all endings are bad.

  E X H A L A T I O N
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  161

  You are the story

  I’ve sought to write.

  The pages I’ve lovingly

  breathed life into,

  with punctuation that highlights

  your expressive moans and sighs.

  Flirtation along the carefully

  crafted paragraphs…

  climaxes amid every chapter.

  You are the hero in my fairytale,

  and the leading man in

  my reality.

  You are the best seller

  that will be read time and time

  again, until my hands and my

  eyes know all your precious

  words by heart.

  You are the volume I will

  never put down.

  ~Favorite Book

  162 Abandoned

  Breaths

  Like yourself, just as you are.

  Accept yourself in your entirety.

  Let the scars heal,

  and do not pick at them.

  Don’t look at people and measure

  your self-love by what they project

  to make themselves happy.

  Take a long look.

  You don’t want their lives anyway.

  You do not like anything they do,

  say, or portray.

  Why then, have you been

  so hard on your soul?

  Can’t you see that

  you don’t deserve

  to be treated that way?

  ~Projection

  E X H A L A T I O N

  163

  You think it is time

  for a new beginning.

  You long to start from scratch,

  so, you seek new interests,

  experiment taking risks,

  trying to reinvent yourself.

  Out with the old and in with

  the world’s new,

  but, you will never create

  a version of yourself

  that is as magical

  and unique as the original.

  Never lose yourself…

  in an attempt at finding yourself.

  ~New Beginning

  164 Abandoned

  Breaths

  You are afraid to sever the ties

  because you think the same love

  won’t happen twice in your lifetime.

  And, you are right…

  it will not.

  No relationship is the same.

  You gather bits and pieces

  from each one, until the puzzle is complete.

  Then you are ready for the real thing.

  Never lose hope.

  That bad track record made you strong.

  You know what you do not want now.

  They were basic training for the real thing.

  Take your stance, and ready your heart.

  You’ve got this.

  ~Second Round

  E X H A L A T I O N

  165

  I saw our ending in

  a spectacular display

  of illumination.

  The closure I sought

  fully delivered

  as I stood barefoot,

  and bereft of emotion

  in the headlights

  of your dismissal.

  But I’m not the girl

  you walked away from.

  I am not the heart you threw away.

  I am the soul who absorbed the Universe…

  and finally found her way.

  ~Reckoning

  166 Abandoned

  Breaths

  I made myself look back,

  to relive those years of roaming

  in the darkness.

  He had crushed my heart

  with a heavy hand,

  and an even weightier ego,

  but that’s the thing about time.

  The magic of Time.

  I reminisced. I dug.

  I hacked away through the void

  I once felt lost in…

  and I unearthed diamonds in my soul

  where mines of blackness once dwelled.

  I discovered that my past

  was necessary, in order to create

  the rarity and the clarity

  of my self-worth.

  ~Brilliance

  E X H A L A T I O N

  167

  I held tight to words

  when I should have let them go.

  Handcuffed to should have

  and what ifs with clenched

  heart strings and a strength

  to be envied.

  When I finally inhaled

  the air of poetic release,

  I absorbed the Universe….

  and he was gone.

  ~Goodbye Blue Bird

  168 Abandoned

  Breaths

  Take a long whiff of that burning bridge

  you dared to ignite

  with strikes of finality.

  That is the scent of ‘survival’ you smell.

  Inhale till you are full.

  The aroma…

  It is breathtaking… isn’t it?

  ~Fragrance of Survival

  E X H A L A T I O N

  169

  He was a novel.

  Reading him would never be enough

  for my soul.

  So I decided to memorize him.

  ~I never knew how deeply you were embedded

  into my seams until I tried to sever our thread.

  170 Abandoned

  Breaths

  Our love is immortal.

  We have become a love story.

  I siphoned the moments

  from my heart and soul,

  and I have inked them

  into beautifully bound pages.

  We live on for another generation

  to try and understand

  how the beauty of love

  can turn into ugly reality.

  ~Inked

  E X H A L A T I O N

  171

  And on good days, when the self-love is flowing, and I view myself as worthy and unforgettable, I speak to my soul in words

  meant to soothe the ache.

  I am loving - because it is in dire need,

  yet I am forceful,

  because I know it is required.

  And when his memory chants its sorrowful wail,

  I counter with words that are

  strong, resolute, and effective.

  “It is my intention to make my leaving,

  an event you will never recover from.”

  ~Words Heal

  172 Abandoned

  Breaths

  You think he is the reason for your happiness,

  and that your life revolves around his solar system.

  My beautiful star, you are so much more than that.

  You are not a piece of matter floating around

  under his domineering control.

  You are a beautiful, charismatic, moonbeam

  in a world of dead space.

  He’s tried in vain to empty you of your wonder.

  He’s still doing it.

  This relationship, this cosmic hell hole that you’ve been thrust in to, does not own your soul.

  It is the cause of your pain… he is the cause of your pain.

  So, let him go, and release yourself from the binds that hold you stagnant, flaying amidst sorrow.

  He wanted you because you were rare in his world.

  And you still are.

  Don’t you ever forget that.

  ~Rarity

  E X H A L A T I O N

  173

  I will never stop writing

  my story in ink.

  I need to leave my children

  proof that pain

  can be transformed

  into beauty.

  ~Legacy

  174 Abandoned

  Breaths

  He was a bruise… not a tattoo.

  Don’t ever forget tha
t.

  ~Lesson learned

  Acknowledgements

  It’s almost unbelievable to me that I started this cyber-journey of sharing my 'words' with the world, 2 years ago. What started out as a safe place to store favorite writings that I would stumble across, instead became a place for me to share my own.

  I started making friends and forming connections with other writers and poets from around the world. We began to support each other and shared our writings among different platforms.

  I decided to have one main writing page on Facebook and used my name Alfa, so I could no longer hide among the anonymity of scribes. I knew there would be no turning back once my name was attached.

  Having enough confidence to share my writing with virtual strangers would never have been possible without the nudging and support of friends (in and out) of the writing community.

  Without Regina Bowman's lovable shove, I honestly don't think I would have ever posted the first quote on Facebook. I will always give credit to her for believing in me when I never knew how to myself. I love you. So many people in the online writing community have embraced me, shared my writings, and given me encouragement when I have wanted to give up.